How Can You Help Your Children Become More Confident and Independent? by Cecilia Trent

Photo by Myles Tan on Unsplash

Most parents want their children to grow into content, confident, and independent adults, but parenting is a long road filled with twists and turns – and it’s no small feat to navigate. Understanding how children’s brains work and develop throughout their childhood is key to feeling empowered while guiding them through each milestone, and will enable you to provide the safe, supportive, and loving environment they need to thrive.

While it’s completely normal for children at certain developmental stages to display signs of anxiety and dependence, recent studies show that up to 8-11% of children and adolescents suffer with anxiety that prevents them from enjoying their daily lives. 

Here, we take a look at a few things you can put in place to help your children be more confident and independent. 

Focus on a Growth Mindset

Learning to be confident and independent takes time, patience, and a secure bond with caregivers. You can support your child by offering them the opportunity to make choices, reap the natural rewards or consequences, and begin to take ownership of their own needs, wants, likes, and dislikes. 

Remember to only give your children choices that you are happy with regardless, whether it’s “Do you want to wear the red top or the blue top?” or “Shall we have pasta or pizza for dinner?”. This helps children learn to weigh up the pros and cons of decision making, and also take accountability for their choices if they are less than satisfied afterwards.

Remember to always praise your child’s perseverance with any given task, research has shown that children who are praised for their efforts rather than their inherent abilities or results, tend to try harder, feel more confident, and are more open to new challenges. ​

Photo by 🇸🇮 Janko Ferlič on Unsplash

Encourage Family Contributions

From as young as two or three years old, many children are capable of helping out with small tasks around the home. Fostering independence starts young – putting their own shoes on, making their own beds, or learning to use cutlery and cut up their own dinner all adds to the sense of accomplishment, pride, and confidence children feel. 

Though it’s often far quicker and more efficient to do things for our children – even when they are fully capable – it robs them of the opportunity to learn new skills and develop a sense of responsibility and independence.

Taking part in the activities associated with daily living helps children learn to be more independent in the long-term, and helps take some of the weight off your shoulders, too. Be sure to give them age-appropriate responsibilities, and frame family contributions as a positive thing rather than as chores with negative associations.

Working as a team also applies outside of the home, whether you’re enjoying a family day out or going away on vacation. By allowing your children to be a part of planning and decision-making when you’re out and about, and exposing them to diverse experiences, you actively help to boost your child’s physical, emotional, and social development.

Photo by Phillip Flores on Unsplash

Model Confidence and Independence

Last, but certainly not least, it’s important to model the behavior you want to see in your child. Leading by example is a great way to help your child feel secure enough to follow you confidently, and eventually branch out to try new things on their own, too. Whether you’re visiting a new place or having fun in a playground, being willing to go down the “big slide” or interact with other people helps your child learn to feel safe to do so for themselves.

​Plenty of positive reinforcement and avoiding shame is key with nervous children – let them know it’s okay if they don’t feel brave enough to do something, but also that it is safe if they choose too. When you have your children’s back unconditionally, they are more likely to explore the world with greater confidence and independence.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
As a clinical psychologist specializing in child development, Cecilia loves to share tips and advice to parents looking to help their children grow into confident and independent adults. She also enjoys riding her horse on the beach, and knitting stuffed animals for her grandchildren.