The 4 C's of Effective Discipline by David Root, LISW-S

One of the most common issues discussed in therapy with children and teens is appropriate discipline. Parents want to establish and improve the parent-child bond, but some behavioral can make this a challenge.  Many parents struggle with this, especially parents whose children have mental health and behavioral difficulties. Effective discipline can significantly help children and teens improve their behavior, while ineffective discipline can cause chaos in families.  Below are four principles that can help parents discipline effectively.

Effective discipline should be...

• * Clear.  When you give your child a consequence, make sure he/she knows why.  If your child does not know why she/he is receiving a consequence, it undermines your authority and makes your child more likely to misbehave again.  Do not assume your child will always know the reasons for consequences.  Make sure you communicate them clearly.


• * Consistent.  By far, the most effective discipline is discipline that is consistent.  If the same behavior is punished in the same manner, this helps the child know that she/he cannot get away with misbehavior.  This reinforces your authority as parents, and limits your child’s excuses.  For this to work, it is vital for parents to work together and agree to punish behaviors in the same way.  Avoid making exceptions and granting amnesty as this undermines your authority.


• * Communicated.  Make sure you communicate your behavioral expectations to your child, as well as what consequences can be expected, before rules are broken.  When children/teens know the consequences for their behavior in advance, it makes them think twice about it.  If your child is old enough, it is especially effective if he/she can help determine what punishments should be received for what behaviors.  This way, she/he will have no excuses and no surprises when this plan is followed.  The more you discuss expectations and consequences - before, during and after misbehavior - the better.


• * Commensurate.  It is important for the consequences to be appropriate for the rules broken.  In general, short term consequences are best.  A call from the school about poor behavior during the school day, unless significant, should probably result in consequences for the evening and no longer.  Short term consequences teach children that their actions have consequences, but they get to start new the next day.  Plus, it prevents parents from feeling the need to give amnesty if behavior significantly improves before the end of the consequence period. 

​Also, consider consequences that allow your child to keep his/her interests and identity intact.  For example, do not force your child to quit a sports team, destroy possessions the child worked to pay for, or cut off contact with positive friends for misbehavior unless the offense is very egregious.  Parents who take away interests central to their child’s heart makes the child more likely to give up and continue misbehaving. 

​One of the best tools you can give your child/teen is effective discipline, and following these four principles you will go a long way toward accomplishing that.  Obviously there can be no guarantees of good behavior, but these principles will keep the family power structure intact, and teach your child the important life lesson that all choices have consequences.